Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Number 2 Update: Worth the Wait

After a long week of waiting to see the high risk doctor to check on our No. 2, Jarrod and I were able to go for our appointment. After an hour and a half wait (rude) and our doctor randomly answering his phone in the middle of our appointment...TWICE...(double rude) we were FINALLY given some encouraging news!
1.) One of the hematomas has disappeared, one is smaller, and one is so much smaller it has actually split in half!
2.) None of them are behind the placenta, which means it hasn't and probably won't separate the placenta from the uterine wall.
3.) No. 2 is growing over a week ahead of schedule. This is great news, because the bleeding could actually hinder the baby from growing, but has proven no to do so.
4.) We have been given an 85% chance of making it to 37 weeks!

What does all of this mean? This means that God has answered every single one of my prayers! My body is healing, and No. 2 has been protected and is growing!

My God is so good!!!!

Also, since the gender was confirmed again, and we were given such positive and encouraging news, my dear, sweet, loving, kind, handsome, awesome husband  has given me permission to name our baby! Eeeeekkk!

Anywho, for now, I am still on bed rest, and off the baby aspirin. I see my OB on Monday, and will hopefully have even more good news!

Prayer Requests:
1.) That No. 2 continues to grow and develop perfectly.
2.) For my body to continue to heal at a miraculous rate.
3.) For Jarrod as he juggles his job, E Baby, the house, and me.
4.) That E Baby would continue to do so well with all these changes.
5.) And finally, for my mom, as she travels back and forth to take care of us when Jarrod is out of town.

Thank you again, from the Bottom of my heart, for each and every one of you prayers, visits, food, texts, and phone calls.  We are so blessed to call you friends and family!

I will update as soon as we have more news.

J Squared and E Squared

P.S. No. 2's gender will be revealed sometime after we choose a name. :)

Friday, October 26, 2012

Update on #2: This Week and Pictures

Thank you, everyone, for your prayers and words of encouragement.  If I haven't responded to your voicemails, please don't be upset...talking too much makes me out of breath, and I'm trying to do my best to not over work my body in order to give our #2 the best chance at life possible.

Not much has changed since Monday EXCEPT I'm not bleeding nearly as much as I was last week or this weekend.  If this is any indication of what is going on inside my body, I would say we have a MIGHTY God who has started to heal my body.  If this has nothing to do what is actually happening, I would still say we have a MIGHT God, but that He might just have other plans for us and #2.

We have an appointment with my high risk OB on Monday morning, and will update then.  Until then, enjoy these pictures of my non-existent baby bump. :)

I will be 14 weeks on Monday and still haven't taken a picture.  I'll try and make that happen sometime this weekend, but trips downstairs are scarce, and quite frankly I would rather miss these photo ops than risk something happen to the baby!

Please continue to pray for the safety and development of #2, my body, and my sanity.  Also, for Jarrod, Elliot, and my caretakers who are forced to deal with me and my...moods :)

j squared and e squared

Monday, October 22, 2012

Number Two: Doctor Update

Today, after a very long, mind teasing weekend, I went to see my OB to check on the baby and see how everything else is doing.  From what my doctor had been told, she was very surprised I am still pregnant and explained to me that she saw me carrying the baby for 4-5 more weeks before miscarrying. Not exactly the news I wanted to hear.  After talking about what I could do, she started doing my ultra sound, and was surprised at how PERFECT our #2 is! 


After looking around and making sure it is developing properly, she started looking at my uterus.  She saw the three different spots where the bleedings are, and her attitude completely changed. The worst spot is at the top of the placenta and has caused it to separate from the uterine wall, but only minimally.  She wasn't very concerned about it at all. The second spot is about halfway down and still about 4cm, but not nearly as thick as she was expecting...it's actually VERY thin, and she doesn't think it will affect anything very much if at all. And finally, the third spot is right by my cervix.  As of right now, this one isn't near the placenta. 

After looking a little more, and "playing" with #2, she assured me that things were much better than she initially expected. Instead of carrying and nurturing this baby for only 4-5 more weeks, she told me to set a goal of 28 weeks.  The baby would still be extremely premature, but still have a very strong chance of living!

I am so blessed to serve a God that heals and listens to the prayers of the deepest desires of our hearts!

Steps we are taking to give this baby the best chance at life:
1. I will, along with my OB, be seeing a high risk doctor.  No matter who I see, I will be seen at least weekly from here on out. 

2. I am to immediately stop taking any medicines that could potentially make me nauseated. She doesn't want my body to have any unnecessary straining.

3. I'm not allowed to pick up E Baby anymore. This one breaks my heart. :(

4. I'm on very strict bed rest still.

5. I am taking baby aspirin to hopefully thin out the blood "up in there."

So, as of now, we have very very good news, and a little not so great news.  At this point, I will take any hope that I can get.

Thank you to each and every one of my family and friends for the PRAYERS, phone calls, texts, visits, and perfectly timed words of encouragement.  Words could never express how grateful I am for you, and I can only hope and pray that one day I will be given the opportunity to repay even a fraction of the generosity  you have shown me. 

Please continue to pray for:
- Healing of my body and continued healthy development of the baby. One risk that we face is an extremely small baby, so please also pray that this would not be an issue.
- Elliot and Jarrod as they continue to adjust to this new life.
- My saint of a mother...she is nothing short of amazing.
- Wisdom for my doctors

There isn't much I can do for our baby right now, and there is no one else's I would rather it be, than in the hands of the One who created us.

Psalm 95:1-5
Come, let us shout joyfully to the Lord, shout triumphantly to the rock of our salvation!  Let us enter His presence with thanksgiving; let us shout triumphantly to Him in song.  For the Lord is a great God, a great King above all gods.  The depths of the earth are in His hand, and the mountain peaks are His.  The sea is His; He made it.  His hands formed the dry land.

Again, I will try my best to update you as much as possible.

Thank you and love,
J Squared and E Squared

Saturday, October 20, 2012

2012: Learning the Lesson of Giving Up

2012 has been a year of many highs and lows, but what I have learned through everything we have been through is the tough lesson of giving up. This may sound silly since in today's world, we are taught to never ever give up. "Keep on keeping on" and ""You just have to get back on that horse" are just a couple of things we hear when the going gets tough. And, while this is true, one thing we are rarely taught is how to give up our own control and plans. 
If you know me at all, you know I'm a bit of a control freak and borderline OCD (self-diagnosed thanks to webMD). Giving up control was never an option.  Ever.

When we moved to Louisiana on September 30, 2011, my plan was to survive the year and get back to Houston ASAP. The more I realized my plan was not feasible, the deeper I sank into depression. It took me over five months to give God control of my life's plan, and it wasn't until I made the conscious decision to make Louisiana my home, that living seemed to get a little easier. Two weeks later, our house reopened, and Jarrod's then employers were gracious enough to let us move back home.

Right before we moved, I found a lump in my right breast and called my OB about it. The nurse and I both decided it was from nursing, and I wrote it off, completely forgetting about it. In July I randomly found it...and another one. Crap. This is when I decided to give up my boobs (not really, but I did tell Jarrod if it was cancer I would just have them chopped off. Jarrod on the other hand had a different opinion on the matter;) -whatever). There are no words for the overwhelming peace I felt when gave everything up to God. After talking with a surgeon who assured me I DIDN'T have cancer, but still needed surgery, we set a date for August 1. Everything went well, and Jarrod and I were even able to host an Olympic viewing party for our Bible study class that evening...and we even left the next day for our beach trip!

Again, if you know me at all, you will know that I had been borderline obsessed with giving E Baby a sibling as quickly as I could, but with the lack of maternity coverage, that obviously needed to wait.  About a week before my surgery I was praying and talking with God, just expressing how much I love our daughter, and if He decided she was supposed to be an only child, I was more than happy with the extraordinary gift He had already given us. Honestly, I think I decided that I/we were done. I had a tough pregnancy with E Baby, and didn't necessarily want to go through that again.  Nine days after my surgery, God told me to quit telling Him what to do. I was nearly 4 weeks pregnant. This time, I learned the lesson of giving up life plans!

Now, ten weeks later, I am writing to you from my bed.  Yesterday, I was given the devastating news that I had been diagnosed with subchorionic hemorrhage. In short, I have bleeding in three different spots about 4cm big (very large) between my uterine wall and the baby's placenta. This wouldn't be such an issue had this shown up
A. Earlier in the pregnancy
B. There weren't as many of them (I think one is average, but I have three)
C. They weren't as large - the smaller they are, the easier it is for the placenta to just absorb them. 
But since I am ending my first trimester and beginning my second, this is in fact a HUGE deal. Yesterday, I also realized that now I need to give up the privilege of motherhood...for now. Not only am I physically incapable of caring for E Baby, but there is absolutely nothing I can do to help our youngest child survive right now. Our child is literally in the hands of God until it is time for her (or him) to either be delivered healthfully or go to Heaven. Either way, I consider it an enormous gift. If we are able to know and raise our child, we have been given the opportunity to raise them in the way of God that would honor Him. If God calls him (or her) to heaven before we get to meet them, the greatest thing I can do as a parent is to present our child just as pure and innocent as they were given to us. 

Originally, I decided not to make the obligatory Facebook pregnancy announcement, but again, I guess i am giving up control of that now too! I can't imagine anything more humiliating than people looking at me with that pity in their eyes telling me how sorry they are, but more than I need my pride (again, giving up that too!), I need your prayers. 
Here are a few very specific requests I have:
1. ThatGod would heal my body, all the while keeping our second child safe and healthy.
2. We obviously knew E Baby's world would be turned upside down, we just didn't think it would be quite this way or so soon. As I am her main caretaker, please pray she adjusts to me not being able to be with her 24/7, but that she allows others to take care of her and me
3. Jarrod  still has to travel frequently, and I can only imagine how hard it must be for him not to be here with us. Also, thank God for the rock that he is.
4. My caretakers - since I am only allowed to use the bathroom and take a shower, not only will they (mainly my mom) have to pick up my slack, but also my 10 million mood swings and grumpiness for being under bed arrest...sometimes a girl just wants to go to Hobby Lobby!
5. Please pray that in everything, I will continue to give God the praise He so righteously deserves, that I stay optimistic and positive, and I continue to seek God for comfort throughout this hard, vessel shaping experience.

Thank you to each and every one of you who have already offered to help in any way possible, your encouraging words, and your thoughtful prayers. More than you know, you are such a blessing to all four of us!

I will do my best to keep you updated.

Thank you and love-
J Squared + E Squared

Psalm 62:5-7
Rest in God alone, my soul, for my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I will not be shaken. My salvation and glory depend on God, my strong rock. My refuge is in God.